When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
porn star boner night. come get it.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
The air taste purple.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
