She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
