jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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