these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
17 year olds will be the death of me.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
