my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
