A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
This is my gift to your gina
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
