Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
