He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
