found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
