why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Alive.
So much puke
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
