I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
