Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
