Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
