Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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