A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
