I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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