Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
