just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
