Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
