Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
