No awkward lesbian experiences without me
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
