You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
