No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
The beer is more important than you right now.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
