im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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