Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
