My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
