I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
