You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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