Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
