life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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