Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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