Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
