Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
