I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
