Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
