I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
His nipple licking is glorious
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
