you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
