So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
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