Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
