Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
