Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
When are your genitals available?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize