I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
