Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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