I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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