haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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