she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
