her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Just high enough for therapy.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
