dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Randomize
