I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
