Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
