My cat gives me a boner
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
