last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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