I'm gonna have a badass scar
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
