im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
This toilet bowl is my home.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
