Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
