There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
