Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize