I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
we should paint friendship bongs
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
