Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
