Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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