you guys were way drunker than both of me
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize