No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
