No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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