Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
