What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
