If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
