I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
