evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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