sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Randomize