Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
