Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
