Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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