i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
