Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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