Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
