we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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