i wish there were pregnant emoticons
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
