Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
