Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
