dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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