my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
