Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
